So I hate to bring the mood of this place down, I'm just having a rough night and need to get this off my chest. I have this friend who's 15, I'm
almost 17, he's a freshman at my school and we're pretty good friends. Anyway, He's been out of school lately and I found out 2 weeks ago that he
had tried to kill himself and had spent some time in a hospital and that he was planning on coming back to school soon. So He was supposed to come back last
week, but he's bulimic and hadn't met his goal weight. So late last week I find out that he broke up with his girlfriend because she too is bulimic and
he wanted to move on from that part of his life. That was on Thursday, usually we would talk daily and I'd sort of let him vent and stuff. But He
wouldn't talk to me, I'd email him and instant message him and call but he would answer anything. So Saturday night he puts on his facebook status,
"Bye, I love you guys." And I replied to it saying, "Where ya goin'?" Knowing what he meant, but trying to at least catch him while I
could, and he replied to that saying, "Heaven, I hope." At this point I was frantic trying to stop him from doing this. I sent him messages and tried
to call him and his parents and I couldn't get an answer. Turns out what I feared had happened. He had tried again. Apparently he had also tried a couple
years ago. He's a model and does stuff for fashion magazines and stuff and I get that there's a lot of pressure about body image and such and he also
told me that he hates himself. I realize that he's a very depressed kid, and that while he is begging for help, he's also very determined that this is
going to be his way out and though he hasn't succeeded yet, I have to brace myself because I know that if he's as determined as he is, he will succeed.
I just don't know how to deal with this situation and I know it's not mine to deal with but I'm gonna have to face it once he finally does succeed.
I mean, I hope that somewhere along the line he realizes that this isn't the way he wants to go out, but I don't really think that's going to
happen. I just wish there was something I could do. I realized Saturday that the reason he wouldn't talk to me was because he didn't want to be talked
down, and I can't help him if he doesn't want help. I also don't know how to be a friend to someone who I know is going to try to kill himself
until he gets it right. I don't know how to build up a relationship knowing that I won't be able to stop the collapse. I'm a very self aware
individual, especially for my age. I've been through a lot of therapy and I'm very aware of my emotions and my thoughts. Because of this I also have a
great capacity to receive others' feelings. But I don't know how to deal with this one.
Trying to deal with a suicidal friend
| Author | Comment | ||
|---|---|---|---|
 Waldener.softlybeforeisc... |
Trying to deal with a suicidal friend |
Lead | |
|
Posts: 118 (12/07/09 05:11 PM) |
|
||
 Pappy |
|||
|
Posts: 938 (12/07/09 05:49 PM) |
Wow, that is some tough situation to be in. I wish I had an answer for you Maggie. To be so young and want to end it all, having experienced so little of life, 15 years old....I just can't fathom the anguish someone that young must be in to want to escape into oblivion. I wish both you and him well.
So many guitars....So little time.
So many taxes......So few guitars 
|
||
|
intune66 |
|||
|
Posts: 3860 (12/08/09 12:21 AM) Moderator |
That modeling can be such a superficial and heartless business. It's too bad this kid isn't doing something more meaningful because that's what he
needs. His life is empty. I don't even know what kids that age are doing modeling. It's not for unstable people, which obviously he is. Can't the
parents see that? I hope things work out in a good way...........very sad when someone that young feels that their life is so throw away. I've been thru
plenty of depression in my life and lost someone I was engaged to in a tragic car accident in my early 20's, but was never suicidal. I cant relate to it
but I suppose I understand it if a person is suffering terribly. I'm sure your friend has a lot of mental anguish. I hope he can eventually see that there
is hope. Pray for him if you pray and dont let this bring you down, whatever happens......
|
||
|
Waldener.softlybeforeisc... |
|||
|
Posts: 120 (12/08/09 03:11 AM) |
I was talking to him last night and I just told him that there are so many people who care about him and he said, "I'm sorry, Maggie, but I am going
to kill myself. I just haven't been able to since I tried on Saturday because my mom won't leave me alone." I didn't know what to say at that
point. Like I said, I don't know how to help someone who can't be helped. And I know he needs a friend right and all the support he can get but I also
sort of feel like maybe it would be best for me to take a step back because if he's going to do this, maybe I need to detach. I also asked him why he
doesn't see any other way out and he said, "'cause everyone hates me." That's not true at all. Everyone he knows loves him. Since
he's been out of school everyone says how much they miss him and he's very much loved. He's got so many more people that love him than hate him.
|
||
|
dmcowles |
|||
|
Posts: 3512 (12/08/09 04:12 AM) Admin |
Maggie, you can care about someone without feeling the need to care for them. Apparently he believes nobody cares about him, and that is the
one thing you can offer. After many years in practice I accepted the reality that if someone really wants to kill himself, he will eventually do so. Feeling
powerless in the face of a self-destructive person is not a good place to be, but hanging on to the illusion that you have some control over that person is
often a worse place to be. As Ryan said, pray for him, or send him your positive energy, then "let go." Letting go doesn't mean you don't
care, it means it is out of your hands.
Dave
You forget it and I'll forget it, but I'll remember it, and don't you forget it!
|
||
|
Linsen |
|||
|
Posts: 23 (12/08/09 06:42 AM) |
That sounds really terrible, Maggie, and I have really no advice here what you should do or not do. However, I figured it might be worth mentioning that there
is such thing as a clinical depression the causes of which are still kind of undetermined, but there's a strong indication that they may actually be
physical (at least in parts). I don't know if that's what your friend suffers from, but it can be treated and is often treated with great success.
Likewise, many people could have been kept from committing suicide if they had only known that there may actually be something physically wrong with their
brain. Just thought I throw this out here.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you somehow in the end. |
||
|
Marco |
|||
|
Posts: 227 (12/08/09 07:47 AM) |
There really isn't anything you can do for your friend if he isn't willing, want or can to help himself. I feel sorry for his parents. I'm sure
they've done everything imaginable for him they could but where he's coming from he'll reject anything thrown at him including what you offer him.
Your story shows that your friend has conflicting emotions about taking his own life so there is a glimmer of hope for the outcome. He's obviously trying
to feel something, anything, but in his physical and mental state he's flailing. All you can do is be a good friend to him and offer hope for better times
ahead.
|
||
|
intune66 |
|||
|
Posts: 3861 (12/08/09 10:58 AM) Moderator |
Very sad but at the same time very selfish. People in this state have little to no regard for what their actions do to the people who care about them, and
especially those they leave behind if they succeed in their attempts to "end it all"
 .
Last Edited By: intune66
12/08/09 11:01 AM.
Edited 1 times.
|
||
|
Waldener.softlybeforeisc... |
|||
|
Posts: 121 (12/08/09 02:34 PM) |
So today, I went into school and the first thing I did was go find a teacher I trusted enough to help me out with this. That teacher being the same one who
teaches me guitar. He immediately suggested I go talk to the school counselor but he also made sure that it happened, he got me out of my first period class
and made sure the counselor was in her office. His point from the second I told him all of this was, that the information needed to be out there because my
friend could have gone to therapy yesterday and said, "I'm really doing good, life's looking up...." And then turned around and told me what
he did. And the school counselor has been working with his therapist and his parents on trying to get a hold of this situation because apparently he's been
posting more stuff online about it. While he probably is desperately trying to find people who care about him, he's 15 and sooner or later he's going
to have to come back to school and when he does, he doesn't want people to be all weird around him because of what he posted. The counselor said she's
gotten calls from parents and students telling her about things that he's been telling people. As my guitar teacher said, in a way, it's all really
perverse.
|
||
|
BukkWilldd1 |
|||
|
Posts: 107 (12/09/09 02:12 PM) |
Wow, this is a post that I feel compelled to add my support, yet advice is hard to give in this situation. Years ago, I felt like the most misunderstood
teenager in existence. The thing that healed my life was time, and the boost to my self image that came from playing guitar. Once I had recorded my first song
and listened back, I felt much better. I also told myself that if I could be a friend and help any young person that needed it, then I'd have to try. I
can't give any better advice than anyone else has in this particular situation. I can however give blanket advice to all young people. The first thing is
just to be nice. Being a good person and a friend to everyone goes a long way. There is no reason to be intolerant to someone's situation that you know
nothing about. Maintain an open mind toward everyone, and don't consider them "weird" or "strange" unless you can walk in their shoes.
|
||
|
Waldener.softlybeforeisc... |
|||
|
Posts: 131 (12/17/09 08:11 PM) |
OMG this kid!!! He was doing alright, he had several good days and I really thought he was going to turn around but tonight I ask him, "how's
life?" And he's "Can I talk to you later? I'm sorry, I just want to die." I said, "Only if you promise you'll be around to talk
to me later. He says, "uh, I don't want to talk, I'm sorry." And then gets offline. I really don't know what to do with this information.
I would call the school counselor, but we're off for christmas break now and I don't have any way of getting a hold of her. Except for my guitar
teacher who could probably get me in touch with her. I don't know if I could get a hold of him though either. I really don't know how to help Mason, I
realize that I need to keep them informed about this stuff because it's a piece of this really complicated puzzle, but I don't know how to do that
until after the break. And that might be too late.
|
||
|
intune66 |
|||
|
Posts: 3917 (12/17/09 08:23 PM) Moderator |
The fact that you started this thread shows you care. I think that's all you can do besides pray for him to see the light, which could take a very long
time. BTW I had a friend who tried to kill himself by drinking Antifreeze years ago. I found out the following week what he's done. He would have surely
died as he lives out in the country and no one would have found him for days. Well after he drank that disgusting stuff, he had a change of heart and called
his dad. His father rushed him to a hospital (I don't know the details) and he's alive today. Depression is a scary thing. My friend was in his early
to mid 40s when he did this. Coincidentally I have a more distant friend who did the same thing around this time 2 years ago. Her boyfriend left for Florida on
a trip and she drank antifreeze and died while he was gone. He knew she might do this as she had talked about killing herself before. The world is very hard to
understand sometimes. At the same time I have a stepmother with cancer fighting for her life right now
. Hang in there, girl........
Last Edited By: intune66
12/17/09 08:25 PM.
Edited 1 times.
|
||
|
BukkWilldd1 |
|||
|
Posts: 112 (01/02/10 10:54 AM) |
Keep us posted on this, Maggie, as we all want to help. I'm teaching a 14 year old girl to play who is going through some of the same issues. She
hasn't been back for a lesson in a while, but she lives down the street, so I can keep up with her. It's still hard to feel that you might be able to
help, but she won't let you. Keep the faith, and God bless.
|
||
|
Waldener.softlybeforeisc... |
|||
|
Posts: 156 (01/02/10 04:29 PM) |
^ will do, he's been really up and down lately. I hear from him most everyday, but it's not always cheerful and sometimes when it is cheerful it scares
me because it makes me wonder if there's some kind of motive behind it. But We'll see if he comes back to school for the 2nd semester. I know he's
planning on dropping a bunch of classes to cut down on the stress. Thank you all for the support, I really appreciate it.
|
||
|
Waldener.softlybeforeisc... |
|||
|
Posts: 217 (01/18/10 07:25 PM) |
Here's a picture, he and another friend of mine as Abby and Gibbs for you NCIS fans out there. This was during Homecoming week (last week).
 He's just such a joker that all of this really came as a
shock for me and a lot of people. But, he is back at school and alive so for right now, that's a good thing. I'll keep you all posted. He did end up
dropping half of his classes, so I hope that helps lower his stress levels.
|
||
|
intune66 |
|||
|
Posts: 4137 (01/19/10 12:31 PM) Moderator |
Good looking kid.....
Hope over time he snaps out of this. Not mentioned earlier in this thread but some spiritual counseling could help him a lot. Maybe even someone dragging him to church regularly. Miracles do happen. I believe that. One of the things that helped me the most in my very darkest times many years ago was my mom taking me to church regularly (I rarely ever went prior). It really had tremendous impact after awhile and changed my outlook immensely. |
||
|
BukkWilldd1 |
|||
|
Posts: 118 (01/21/10 12:10 PM) |
Sounds like a bit of good news. I'll bet you're glad you are back in school so you can keep up with him better.
|
||
|
hognogger |
|||
|
Posts: 172 (02/12/10 03:35 PM) |
Good for you for showing such care.
I've been treated for depression and anxiety issues myself. I was never suicidal, but I did have it on the table from time to time as something to consider in the longer-term. I suppose one thing I would say is that life is kind of like a big experiment - you never know how it is going to turn out, and what things are going to happen down the track to you and others around you. Most people change quite a lot from 15 to, say, 25. To abandon the experiment at 15 seems a bit premature. Make sure you have enough support around for you as well, as this situation is draining for you too.
Check out my album at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/NeilMcKinnon.
Or visit http://hognogger.blogspot.com/ for some entirely useless self-help advice from a fake therapist. Note: The fake therapist will probably tell you that it is necessary for you to buy my album in order to overcome various of your deep-seated mental health issues.
Last Edited By: hognogger
02/12/10 03:52 PM.
Edited 1 times.
|
||
|
Waldener.softlybeforeisc... |
|||
|
Posts: 306 (02/12/10 05:08 PM) |
Yeah, I'm ultra sensitive to these kinds of things as I too have suffered from depression and anxiety from an early age. I was in preschool when I started going to therapy. Since then I've been in therapy on and off. I need to start again but since my mother started dating a guy who "doesn't believe" in therapy, that's kind of an issue right now. But I have good teachers who are always there if I need them to be and I have a good guidance counselor at school.
I honestly don't know how Mason's doing. He's become very distant. Also he's hanging with a crowd that worries me. They're into drinking and drugs and in his condition I don't think that any of that is good for him. But we exchange text messages every once and a while. I kind of understand him needing to disconnect from people like me who he confided in when he was going through that. Though I would never force him to talk about it or judge him based on what he told me.
Check out my site http://maggieberrymusic.yolasite.com/
"What is the answer to all of my spiders?" -Augustana
|
||
|
BJ of Indiana |
|||
|
Posts: 275 (02/13/10 08:15 AM) |
Make sure he knows you are a friend he can always count on to come.to and talk with.
Hang in there! I'll be praying...
Last Edited By: BJ of Indiana
03/03/10 02:02 PM.
Edited 2 times.
|
||
|
Waldener.softlybeforeisc... |
|||
|
Posts: 360 (03/03/10 01:34 PM) |
So here's an odd development. He just decided to leave school and go to some half day program school and stop talking to everyone from my school. With no word to anyone. He won't return anyone's calls, texts, emails or facebook messages and he's basically disappeared off of the face of the earth expect that he occasionally posts on facebook but won't respond to anyone.
I sort of understand this disconnect, I think he needed to in order to move on, but at the same time he was my friend and to not tell me a damn thing frankly pisses me off. I wish him the best but I can't help him any longer.
Check out my site http://maggieberrymusic.yolasite.com/
"What is the answer to all of my spiders?" -Augustana
|
||
